Death by flatpack?

Although the individual bits of these Ikea shelves weren’t *that* heavy, I did wonder what the death rate is from self-assembly of Ikea furniture…

The thing is, you want rectangles, but you get parallelograms. Parallelograms which collapse rapidly sideways if you’re not careful, revealing the cumulative weight of those shelves, and prompting thoughts about death rates!

The problem with these shelves (from the IVAR range if you want to know) is that Ikea sell you side pieces (a bit like a ladder), and shelves (flat bits of wood), but they don’t sell you any right angles between them. They aren’t even (despite the catchy title of this entry) in flatpacks. While this makes it dead easy to load and unload the car, assembly is a different matter.

Of course there were the bracing metal crosspiece things (two thin rods joined in the middle, with holes at the ends and screws to go in them), which are essential, but the tricky bit is knowing *where* to fix them. And the only way to judge the right place (short of resorting to Maths) is to put the shelves in, to space the side pieces the right distance apart. But the shelves are tricky to insert and you’re very likely to dislodge the side pieces and send the whole lot crashing down sideways. You can’t even lean it against a wall because that means the whole lot isn’t straight.

And no, there aren’t any instructions either.

Eventually I did resort to measurement, if not maths, and tried to assemble the whole lot flat on its front on the ground. Even this is tricky as half of the pegs which hold the shelves up were now facing downwards and kept falling out. But (with the aid of sellotape to keep the pegs in place for at least a minute or so) eventually I measured it well enough to screw the cross-bracing in. Rotating it upright was tricky too, as any movement dislodged the shelves yet again, (meaning the whole lot collapses and you have to start again!) but eventually I got it upright.

Even then I wasn’t home and dry, as it turns out the crosspieces have a right and a wrong way round (they need to be flat against the wood, but the wrong way round they bow out). And of course, having discovered they were the wrong way round, undoing them brings back the risk of parallelogramming!

Once one was assembled, the rest were easy because:
(a) I had something solid to lean against and
(b) I now knew where to screw the crosspieces.

Hurrah!



Complexity

Something has happened in the world of selling stuff.

Businesses seem to feel the need to invent increasingly complex products to differentiate themselves, but in doing so, everything has now got so complex that even their own staff don’t understand their own products.

Today has been something like this…

Call centre
- “I want to open an xyz bank account”
- “no you can’t”
- “so why does it say I can on your website?”
{Pause while person scurries away to seek advice}
- “oh yes you can – you need to do that at your branch”

Branch
- “I want to open an xyz bank account”
- “no you can’t”
- “your call centre says I can”
- “you may need to make an appointment with one of our financial advisers during the week”
{Pause while person scurries away to seek advice}
- “oh yes you can – I’ll put you on the list to see one of our advisers now”

Adviser
- “I’ve never done one of these before, I’ll need to read the instructions to find the procedure”

Sigh.

Keeping diaries

’twas ever thus that I was never good at keeping my diary up to date. Same with this I guess. Ho hum. Well the last couple of months have brought:

* a lot of work – it’s our busiest time around the start of the new academic year, plus people leaving, being on sick leave etc. didn’t help.  This of course doesn’t help with the ‘keeping-the-blog-up-to-date’ issue.

* a date for my sister’s wedding. A Sunday in November apparently – I needed to move my dentists’ appointment from the Monday morning after, but she didn’t seem keen to move the wedding date instead, for some reason.

* the first appearance of family (my cousin Lizzie) on Facebook. Slippery slope, that one, especially as her “friends” include my aunt and another cousin. Time to read the Facebook info on how to share different info with different Friend lists, I think…

* various bookings for dance weekends and events in Aug/Sep/Oct. Looking forward to it, not least because it means some holidays too.

* a computer magazine (ComputerActive) that seems to be being delivered every so often without me paying for it. I’ve had two now, the last one being on 1 August. It may be more than coincidence that this magazine is the same one that messed up my credit card payment as mentioned in the previous post. It seems to be fortnightly so we shall see if one turns up next week. Hmm.

*  actually getting out and doing some dancing – demoing on some Monday nights too.

* a few flights in a microlight. Not as many as I’d booked though. The “summer” weather and a couple of other factors have led to quite a few cancellations (probably 50%) .

*  some thoughts on house hunting. Not a lot of progress though.

* not much more productive use of time I fear. Ho Hum. Including throwing stuff away – I’m very good at the other sort of “keeping diaries”.

* the discovery that the oft-quoted “93% of communication is non-verbal” statistic is more-or-less nonsense – it overgeneralises one very specific piece of research, which was about specific words relating to feelings and whether tone of voice could contradict the meaning of the word, for instance. Get the podcast here and listen to the last 5 minutes… http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/more_or_less/8201615.stm

Incidentally the same programme includes another statistic that a third of food is thrown away. Apparently this is true if you include potato peelings, tea bags etc.. If you only look at food that you’d consider eating, it’s nearer a fifth.

Edit: Apparently this post “may be related to”  the following: “New Aliens Vs Predator scheduled for February 2010″. I’d love to know which key words in that lot caused it to draw that conclusion…

has learned that the oft-quoted “93% of communication is non-verbal” statistic is more-or-less nonsense – it overgeneralises one very specific piece of research. Get the podcast here and listen to the last 5 minutes… http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/more_or_less/8201615.stm

Windows Upgrade

No, not Windows 7 or whatever the next operating system’s called. Actual windows, made of glass, that I can look out of.

It was a bad week for being out late – Monday I’d demo’d (despite many hours of sleep lost to dance at Southport), Tuesday was ballroom dancing (albeit cancelled – we both turned up and were told the teacher wasn’t expecting us), Weds and Thurs were late nights at work.

So the house was still a mess and I definitely wasn’t prepared when the guy knocked on my door a fair bit earlier than the “8:30-9:30″ that they’d told me to expect.  However, much frantic slinging of stuff into corners and cupboards later, they did have enough room to work. If I’d been more prepared I’d've covered more stuff up – the dust and grit got everywhere.

I was entertained by the start of their double-act: “did you bring the kettle, Lee?” They consumed many cups of tea and a few of coffee, although they didn’t want the stereotypical “tea you can stand the spoon up in” or indeed lots of sugar (none at all in fact).

In other ways they did conform to the stereotype though “your neighbour’s a bit of alright, isn’t she” (plus a few more ribald comments). I think they did also wolf-whistle at another woman across the way, although it seems to be compulsory to be up a ladder while doing this.

The actual window removal was pretty quick – I’d previously had one window double-glazed (after a burglary, the marginal cost of double glazing it was low at the time) and that one seemed to be trickier to take out. They also put the new windows in quickly too, but there was much subsequent sorting out involved in sealing them (both on the inside and out).

It’s all done in a sensible order too – do the highest windows first because you’re dropping lots of bits of wood/masonry/glass down and wouldn’t want to damage shiny new windows below. Also do the inside first so that the customer can tidy up.

When I booked it, the salesman said it would take a day, but the people who book installations said “a day and a bit” so I had to book today off work. But in practice they were finished by 4pm. All good though and I could understand people erring on the side of  caution.

A quick visit to town to find some new net curtains (the old ones screwed into the windows which I don’t want to do with the nice new ones) and also a house number (black, stick-on numbers for now at least).

I haven’t worked out how to refit the kitchen blind yet though – it seems to involve screwing into tiles which doesn’t appear to be easy.

In other news, I got a phone number today! It was someone who was in the walking group and also a dancer – that I met in Sainsburys! I remembered her name too. Phone number isn’t *that* exciting – merely to coordinate going dancing at the same time.

Edit: I had a really odd phone call today (plus an unusual letter inviting me to take part in a survey for the NHS). Phone call was from the company from which I’d ordered “back issue” CDs of Personal Computer World magazine (which incidentally arrived a few days ago). They were supposed to cost quite a bit more, but they’d only debited £1.98 (due to a computer glitch), and could I pay the rest, please?! I checked with Barclaycard, and they confirmed the £1.98 bit – plus they seemed to know all about what I’d ordered, part of my card number and the expiry date, so I gave them the rest of the number, especially as Barclaycard said I was liable to pay it.

Lots to do…

… too little time.

In particular, lots to do at work, which I can’t easily delegate to other folk. The time thing is heightened by my taking a long weekend to go to Southport this weekend, then the next Friday off to have double-glazing fitted. (Annoying because the salesman’s initial promise that it can be done in a Saturday has mutated into a day-and-a-half when the actual fitting folk got to it. Plus I signed up at the start of February and they’ll be fitting it 4 months late. Not impressed.) Then yet another long weekend for Skegness in the middle of June, and sundry meetings, awaydays etc. that will take me out of the office. Ho Hum.

I’ve had a reasonably productive day working from home today (not really finished though), punctuated by a phone call from one of the new housing developments in Rugby (I sent for info last week) telling me they’ve sold all their smallest (3 bedroom) houses for the year. Ho Hum.

Southport starting to loom large on the agenda. The PDF booklet is available to download, including a complex discount offer for next time. It seems you have to book with someone of the opposite sex, naming names, and turning up at the same time. Although I’ve booked as “1M+1F” quite often, I rarely have anyone in mind for the “1F” bit – which is sometimes handy (I had quite a few offers for my spare ticket in the end this time), but it seems that having such freedom will be a more expensive way to do it next time.

Alternatively I may need to brace myself for all those offers from women wanting to share with me…

Bank Holiday

I am an evening person. This seems to be an endemic part of my makeup. So despite best intentions, I got to lunchtime with hardly anything done at all bar a slow relaxing bath.  By mid-afternoon I’d made some sandwiches for the week (a good half-hour’s work) and also experimented with a “mobile broadband” USB gizmo that I’d bought a few weeks ago. It seemed to work OK although I’m not convinced reception will be any good if faced by signal that’s even slightly weak.

Then I had another snooze taking me past 6:15 pm.

This was a bit of a mistake – since Nottingham Ceroc dancing this week is at West Bridgford rather than Marcus Garvey, and WB is a much harder place to park. So if I was going, I was going early, and 6:15 was pretty much already past the point of no return to eat, get ready, and find somewhere to park.  Ho Hum.

So I stayed in, instead. I did have a reasonably productive session sorting through old magazines. Personal Computer World have a whizzo wheeze to sell back issues on CD – which means I can throw them out with a (fairly) clear conscience. At least I can if the CDs I ordered tonight arrive in a timely way. But I found a few more magazines to consign to the junk pile. It’s made a *little* more space in the house.

I also did my standard “walk round the block” – 1.5 miles, 20 minutes, posting a letter on route (taking the advice of Radio 4’s MoneyBox to buy yet more shares in one of the banks where I have shares, which has an “open offer” to buy some more).  OK so banking shares haven’t had a great year, but it’s a massive 40 quid so I’m not risking huge amounts.

Hmm – wide awake and it’s 20 to midnight. Really should stop and sleep (after sending just one more email -  I did a few others today too).

First Proper Post

Hmm. Starting a blog? Is this a good idea? I dunno to be honest – and currently I’ve ticked the box to keep it private so no-one can see it.

I guess I need some editorial policies too. Do I name names?

I guess either:
(a) you use actual names
(b) you use pseudonyms or nicknames
(c) you do the initial+underscore thing from Victorian novels “I met a gorgeous woman called D______ at dancing last night”
(d) you don’t name names at all.

I think (d) sounds safest as an initial policy, although some of the others may appear in due course.

Next question – how personal do I make things? If I’m secretly smitten by the woman in (a), (b), (c) or (d), then it won’t remain secret for long if I publish it. Even if I keep my privacy settings fairly restrictive, I may open them up later. Hmm. There’s no such info to record at the moment so I may cross that bridge when I come to it.

Anyhow – enough pontification – what did I do this weekend?

Well on Saturday morning I went to the opticians. I think their computer had jumped a gear at some point because the reminders for both my contact lens aftercare appointment and my eye test didn’t arrive. I had a stroppy letter with my last set of contacts telling me I’d not had an aftercare appointment for a year and I couldn’t have any more lenses unless I came in to see them. Well I would’ve if they’d asked me…

So I went for the contact checkup a fortnight ago, when it transpired that I was overdue my regular eye test too, as this was in 2006 (only December so not quite as bad as it sounded). So today was the eye test. All seems OK – apparently my eyes are pretty stable but my actual spectacles are showing their age a bit!

I mentioned (as my sister had to me) that I thought Dad had glaucoma but wasn’t sure. It turns out later that he has “raised interocular pressure” (Hmm. ‘inter’ or ‘intra’?) but not a formal diagnosis of glaucoma. Anyhow apparently there are added risks with being short-sighted, plus it seems to be hereditary.

After buying some food (plus a “15″ ) and depositing some unwanted stuff at (a) the recycling bins and (b) a charity shop, I then went back to watch some of the F1 Qualifying.

Next up was flying. When you go to an airport, there’s a lot of hanging around for security etc., something that you think wouldn’t be an issue when flying a microlight from A to A. However the ‘hanging around’ is still very much a feature.

I turned up nice and early, went across to speak to the instructor from last time (turns out he was flying off on a Bank Holiday jaunt with someone else). But I did find my instructor who suggested we wait for an hour. Her last lesson had thrown up (reassuring!) because it was so bumpy. (Lovely sunny day=lots of thermals.)

While waiting I did hear the other instructor mention his problem from the morning.

Microlight wings seem to be a bit like a complex tent to assemble. Now your average tent, unless you’re in an actual blizzard or on Everest or something, probably won’t kill you if you assemble it wrongly. You may get wet trying to fix it, but not life-threatening. Also, you get to find out your mistake fairly early on.

Microlight wings are a tad more tricksy. Plus if you’re unlucky you only find out when you’re in the air at the wrong end of the runway. So this chap had a flight with “an unflown wing” which seemed to have no stability and not a lot of lift. Seemed he got down OK, but not reassuring…

They both set off in their single-seat microlights eventually – trying to get to Scotland I think. It was notable on take off how much the light single-seaters wobble around – you’re trying to shift a wing by pulling down and it’s your weight (and the weight of the “trike”) that pulls the wing down. In these much lighter craft the trike itself seemed to go up more than the wing (with lots of aerodynamic forces on it) went down.

My lesson was sort-of-OK – only half an hour and I didn’t feel I was progressing much. I need to be more deliberate and assertive with my controls, I think.

Then off to Rugby to dance. Several good dancers there, including a couple of friends from further South, one of whom I’d danced with before at a couple of big events, and the other had clearly been sent to seek me out as she made a beeline to grab me. (Not that I was complaining, both were lovely to dance with. ).

Sunday was a lot quieter. No alarms to wake me, and I didn’t do much except some washing and ironing, watched the Monaco Grand Prix (ZZZzzzzz), had a snooze, spoke to my sister, and then to choir practice later.

Really ought to do something more productive tomorrow!

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